and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
