She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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