oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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