woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I need moral support for this bender
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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