what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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