Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
