someone threw a dead crab at me
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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