I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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