call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
