You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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