it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
