Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
