I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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