Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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