Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
