Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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