mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
