I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize