that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
