dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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