I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
