whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
