I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
