well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
