It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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