I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
