be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
