I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
