A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
