I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
