I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I wear drunk well.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
