if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
