Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
