the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
