I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
