hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
