My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
