remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
