Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
one might say we're banned from that church
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
