I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
