dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
