I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
