some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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