He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize