Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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