First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
