Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
