erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Houston, we have a squirter
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
