I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
