Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
