If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
