I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
