im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
