Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
