I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We had sex on a dog bed..
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize