Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
