I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
