he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
