I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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