I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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