i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
