but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
