This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i now understand why vodka
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
