Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
